This tree is outside the entrance to my community. It looked pretty against the sunset tonight when my 80+ year old BFF and I were going out for dinner. We stopped and soaked in the view. She said, " Doesn't that Sunset make you glad to be alive?"
We sat in silence, taking in the view. Her words kind of stabbed my consciousness.
I was thinking about the innocent simplicity of the statement coming from someone who has lived double my life span.
Have I ever conscientiously been GLAD that I am alive? Have I ever lived in such a way that actually celebrates my very existence?
These thoughts made me feel kind of sad. Sad for the realization of life's fleetingness and vanity. Sad that I don't make time to connect to the things and people who really matter. In that moment, I realized how buried I've become under life and under bondage to things that don't make me in the least bit GLAD to be alive...I'm just barely relieved to survive.
And, I thought what a shame and injustice I've done myself.
I want to look at the sunset and be genuinely glad to be alive. I've lost myself somewhere between the fray of just existing and striving to prove my worth.
My 80+ year old friend told me I spend too much time trying to unring bells and looking for meaning in things. Apparently, kindly, she's saying I complicate uncomplicated things.
"You pour yourself out trying to find fulfillment. You need to just soak in the good stuff for awhile. "
I don't know why I'm sharing all of this, except that were all a lot more the same than we are different. Maybe, you just need to marinate in the good stuff too.
