Saturday, May 3, 2014

Sunrise, Sunset

Note: I began this post in June of 2013....been sorta busy experiencing life! :)

This weekend has been all about my little man, Jakey. He's my finale' know, the last chance to rock a little one to sleep, buy sippy cups, register for behind a wobbly bike without training wheels....all those things that make up the journey of "Mommyhood"....and Jake's childhood is my last golden ticket that allows me to board that exclusive, fast-track train.

Mommy's heartbeat and love.

At times, I find myself in an emotional tug-of-war; loving and dreading, in syncopated turn, each cherished moment. I hear the clock ticking; each milestone for Jake is a measured step for me.

With Gabe (my nearly 21 year old son), I grimaced at the sight of frogs and night crawlers. With Jake, I feel the need to sit in the dirt and experience every last little dirty wonder with him. Gabe was nearly force-fed oatmeal for breakfast. Jakey gets Oatmeal cookies.

Jake has awakened something in me that's hard to explain. It took four children to get me to the place where I wasn't on the sidelines cheering- but part of the action.  Maybe, it's the fact that I'm not wrangling four children anymore, carrying diaper bags etc.... Maybe its the reality of the fleetingness of time? Or the cold realization that his "high noon of firsts" are my "setting sun" on mothering a little squirt? There's something very scary about that to me.....and I find myself trying to eke every moment, experience and memory out of every occasion.  Last weekend he lost a tooth. And we discovered he's already into a size 2 shoe. It all happens over night. So fast.  One night their cuddled up with you in your bed watching Toy Story, wearing Buzz Lightyear Pajamas.....and the next night they're grown and living in their own quarters at Ft. Riley.....

Squeeze Them. Hold Them. Love Them. Cherish every cotton-pickin' moment with them.... that's what I've been up to.