Monday, December 22, 2014

Overwhelming Gratitude

I hate to be melodramatic....ah, who am I kidding? I'm a melodramatic sensationalist at heart! At any all know that I'm far from one who goes around publicizing struggles, negativity or drama. I have a great poker face, and sometimes too good of one, because I even fool myself. Take the past year for instance: my job situation was bad. I had a burning lump of anxiety in my stomach all year....I lived each day to get to the next weekend- and I crashed. I was exhausted and spent the weekend "living" and "doing"  and then, around 4 PM on Sunday afternoon the reality of having to go back to the office on Monday morning started the burning sensation in my stomach all over again. I couldn't sleep at night and in the mornings I couldn't wake up.
Towards the end of my time there.....being M I S E R A B L E would have been a luxury. I was beyond miserable. SOMETHING had to give.

I began seriously praying in July- thinking- I can't do this another WEEK. I can't continue. The dynamics of the situation was compounding and my will to take the high road was dwindling.

In August I had a job interview. And then another. They called me back a total of  F I V E times. It was a 30+ minute drive from home, away from the kids school. I would make the same, drive farther and have insurance. And I was desperate.  My letter of resignation sat typed, folded and ready to hand in.
They were calling me on Thursday to make an offer. And I was going to accept it.
No matter W H A T. it was.

I waited.  A L L  D A Y. 

I'm not the type of person who sits idly by, patiently waiting.  I don't wait well- not on my kids, not in the drive-thru, not at red lights, not in movie lines, carpool lines, at the doctor office, or the checkout line. And come to find out, not even on God.

And I whine. A lot. I'm an impatient, whiney waiter.

I had done everything I could do- I was at my wits end- at the point that any job offer would have been accepted....but God doesn't do just anything. He does EVERYTHING. He meets all of our needs.

But the next day, the call still hadn't came.

But a call was made. Not the call I had set into motion.....but the call that God  had ordained. The call that instantly raised my heart rate....and stopped that woefully insistent burning in my stomach. The call that I didn't foresee....or even dream of.  The phone call said everything that I needed and wanted. And I knew.  When God ordains- there is no strain to make gears turn, pieces lock in place. It just happens...  and so it did.
(Disclaimer: I'm omitting a huge chunk of soap opera worthy drama here---- The Reader's Digest Condensed Version Cliff Notes are: Words were said. Feelings were hurt. Mean people do and say desperate things in self-preservation. Always take the high road...there's less smog of life in higher elevations! )

 I can't begin to describe the overwhelming gratitude I have for my new employer, the new setting in which I work. The people. The location. The dynamics. The view (I have a window!). The options. The consideration. The welcoming.
My heart gushes with gratitude at people willing to take a risk, willing to try new ideas, willing to be a shelter, willing to be a family.
The New Year is looking clear, stable and full of promise......and I happen to know the One who keeps all of his promises. <3 br="">Shine All Your Light,