Last July one of my clients passed away, over the last 8 months or so, his wife of 54 years has been my point of contact. Watching her grieve has been like watching a slow, slow train wreck; her pain is palpable. She was so well loved and everything in her demeanor expressed security, contentment and wellbeing in the most postive ways.
Today, making small talk while I was pulling up her account she mentioned that her daughters took her shopping for granite yesterday. She said her girls are in the process of remodeling her house. She laughed, "I have a state of the art kitchen and no one to cook for." She sighed.
She also mentioned that her grand-daughter (a well known interior designer in the area) has ordered her all new living room furniture and rugs. There's painters in and out. A new french door leads to the back patio. She sighed again. "The girls are so excited. They're really having a time."
"That all sounds really nice, Mrs. S, how do you feel about the changes?"
She began to sob. I mean, the kind of sob that gushes out without warning and makes your gut twist when you hear the pain.
"Every day there's less of him. It's not been a year and he wouldn't even recognize our home. Every new piece is less of his memory here."
She cried for a few minutes. Gathering her composure she apologized for spilling all of this to me over a phone call.
I have to admit, I couldn't help but cry.
"Have you told your daughters that this may be a little too much, too soon for you?"
"They're loving me in the way that their daddy taught them- by giving of themselves." You could hear the smile in her voice as she said this, " They're having so much fun doing this- it's healing for them. And having them here is healing for me. A new chair doesn't take him a away any more than an old chair brings him back."
Blunt, honest, wide-eyed reality. So much wisdom.
I sat silent in my headset, staring out the window long after our call ended.
Love is so powerful and complex. In an incredible way, the very same pain that consumes her is the very love that's healing her.
May we all know a full circle love like this.
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