Needing Purpose

It's interesting watching my son. It's become clear that after 5 years of military life- there is very little "at ease" even during down time.

I've noticed two things during this last visit: he's very schedule conscious. He seems to time everything. The second thing I've noticed is that everything must have a purpose.

These two characteristics are a sharp contrast to my civilian lifestyle. First of all- although I'm punctual- I'm a chronic dawdler and piddler. I enjoy my own pace...my exhusband always said that I have two-speeds...Turtle I and Turtle II.

I've always considered myself pragmatic and simple. My mother in law once called me "utilitarian" and I liked it....A few years later, I spent a week with her and mentioned to her how much I loved that definition of my character and she just guffawed with laughter and said, "Oh, I had you all wrong. This is the perfect example of judging a book by its cover." (when said in her condescending tone it was meant as a backhanded compliment) Regardless, I'm pretty basic.

Anyhow, I get contemplative and introspective when observing people's behavior and interactions...especially my kids- when I see learned behavior that came from outside influences.

Gabe and Sarah are the most alike- and neither of them are sentimental nor materialistic.(not that materialistic is synonymous with being sentimental). Sarah once threw away her baby book saying she had lost all her teeth and didn't need a place to record it any longer. I was stunned.

Yes, I climbed inside the dumpster and dug through other people's garbage and found the book.

So, why is it so easy for Gabe and Sarah to toss sentimental stuff? Doesn't preserving a memory give a relatively useless item purpose? Doesn't the warm-fuzzy you get from seeing a childhood toy eventually become valuable? Are my kids missing a chromosome or something?

Gabe's idea of everything having a purpose has kind of rubbed me sore. Although I admit to being overly sentimental and prone to hoarding kid's art and macaroni necklaces- there are some things that serve a purpose just by creating the atmosphere of "home" and "belonging".

And after all this thinking and reasoning within- I realize too that Gabe and I's respective homes serve different purposes. Gabe is trained to be ready to move at any given moment. Travel light. Only pack what you can carry on your back. I get that. Even their home life is "light" because every base is a temporary station.

I came to the realization that he's abiding in his calling. So, the natural thing for me to do is turn and ask myself, "What is your calling?"

And so, all of this internal conflict may just come down to that one simple question and the enlightenment that at this point in my life---I really don't know the answer to that question.

I've always been certain of my place. Certain of my role and there were wonderful examples who I respected and could pattern myself after. I was good at fulfilling my role because the role of "Mother" took up most of life. It was easy for me to see that my children were a purpose much greater than myself. There was daily gratification being a mom. I could throw myself into it and lose myself in it and be completely 100% fulfilled as a person.

Now, I don't have that. I'm not being dramatic. I'm being honest.

So, surely I have a calling, yet discovered, that will give me that same drive, same desire to excel and surely, "it" will reciprocate by providing complete fulfillment? And, please be clear that when I say this- I'm not talking natural fulfillment. I considered raising my children a Godly endeavor- I put my soul, body and mind into the task.

I guess, all of this rambling has made me realize that deep inside, I'm more like "Sergeant Gabe" than "Civilian Mom". I too am very conscientious of time. I'm 40 years old. I have a whole life-time still ahead of me...with no marching orders..... - and I won't lie- right now, its not hard to picture myself on a shelf, with warm-fuzzies for times long gone----without any current purpose or value outside of familiarity and sentiment.

Juneau & Mendenhall Glacier

Our first city of Port was Juneau- Alaska's state capital. Did you know that Juneau is the only capital in the USA that shares a border with a neighboring country? In this case the country is Canada's Provence of British Columbia.  Another interesting fact about Juneau is that although it's part of the main land- there are no roads that connect the city to the rest of Alaska or North America due to the rugged terrain that surrounds it; All goods arrive and depart by plane or boat. Cars arrive to Juneau via the Alaska Marine Highway Ferry System — the floating roadway for Southeast Alaska. In fact, our first indication that we were approaching Juneau is the amount of float planes flying next to our ship. It was amazing watching them wobble back and forth as they made their approach to the harbor and hearing the splash as they skid across the water. It was an adventure in and of itself! 

Originally, Sitka was Alaska's capital but the decline of the whaling industry and fur trade caused the cities economic importance to diminish. In 1906 Juneau was made the capital of Alaska, the city was named after Joe Juneau who supposedly bought everyone who would vote in his name at the city council meeting a round of drinks!  (PS. I did not see Russia from anywhere in Alaska)

Our first view of Juneau from the ship was exactly what I expected. It was quaint yet stalwart. Colorfully inviting yet had an air of functionality. It was also the largest port we visited. We could not WAIT to walk down the gang-plank to this outpost capital of the North East.

I think the first thing that struck me about Juneau, that I wasn't expecting, was the beautiful plantings, flowers and landscaping. I was assuming that since its so far North and relatively cold that it would be rocks, trees and pinecones. I couldn't have been more wrong. Begonias were everywhere....even flowing off of rooftops! Whisky barrels lined the streets full of beautiful flowering bounty. Store fronts, curb fronts, small parks and window boxes were happy to boast of the climates ability to sustain annuals! I remember Juneau as being a beautiful enchanted city. Bustling business district surrounded by fog covered mountain peaks, circling bald eagles above, beautiful flowers, cobblestone sidewalks, the smell of firepit BBQ (coming from somewhere) and the desire to just SIT AND SOAK IT IN. We hardly had time to walk the town- we went to one store, bought a postcard and had to run to catch a bus. 

 I longed for more time to walk Juneau. It's a seaside city that invites you to sit, stare, soak-in the glorious EVERYTHING surrounding you.
We tried our hardest to soak it in....At one point on a bus, I told Kerri to look to the left, I'll look to the right and we'll be each other's eyes so we don't miss anything. This seems like a great plan- but on both sides, there's beauty....there's landscape that's impossible to explain, grandeur for which even naturalist John Muir couldn't express.
We boarded the bus, our chauffeur was named Robert. He pointed out Mitchell Mountain and the tram that goes to the top of the mountain. We were headed to Mendenhall Glacier. The place I'd read about, seen pictures of, watched videos....and here I was about to see it myself. Everything that day was surreal.
Our first view of Mendenhall Glacier was from Glacier Highway through the tree line and mountain peaks. I remember feeling a tingling of being overwhelmed. We were HERE. We were DOING it!

On the way to the glacier, Robert educated us on some historical factoids and pointed out areas of interest. Unfortunately, I was on sensory overload and don't remember a lot of them. One thing I do remember is him telling the story of a woman who brought rutabaga sprouts with her to Alaska. She planted the rutabaga's and the same plants are still producing over 100 years later! I bought some Rutabaga jam and have a taste of Juneau at home!

Our first sight at Mendenhall Glacier was of a porcupine that wound up on the trail to the glacier.

I lack the vocabulary to describe the beauty of Alaska- or the grandeur of Mendenhall Glacier.
It's hard to explain the connection you feel to the earth when you're surrounded by wilderness, beauty and raw, uncultured majesty of nature. It's phenomenal.

Juneau's narrow streets