For years, I've had struggled with finding a balance between creating a memory and capturing a memory with my children. There are some photos that I look back on and see the annoyance in my children's eyes....the "Are you done yet? We just want to play!" look. All the while I'm adjusting WB's, ISO's and determining which position would best capture the catch light in their eyes.
So many memories were contaminated with different variations of "Wait. DO that again! Stand here, face that, hold your chin up, square up to the lens" commands coming from behind the camera. Or embarrassingly enough, staged moments usually consisting of making kids REDO what they had just done..... trying to capture the sunlight through the trees, the sweet pigtails flying behind their darting bodies....all the movement, light and poignancy of a nice portrait......long after the "real moment" is lost.
These numerous occasions were results of artistically pleasing my photographic eye at the expense of disappointedly losing the moment; the true light of excitement is missing from their eyes replaced with repulsion for the annoying, repositioning, ever fidgeting half mother/half photographer turning knobs, and muttering about appertures and leading lines. And none of the photos are really worth a hoot. Because, I am a little repulsed at the memories. The memories I chose to make----rather than capture.
And now. I don't even charge my camera. I haven't used it in months- evidenced by the fact that I "found" my camera in the trunk of the van last weekend. It still had pictures on it from a March ice storm. As much as I hate to admit it- I'm a person of extreme degrees. ALL IN or ALL OUT.
My camera phone has been my go-to-camera for the last two years....and although sometimes there's grainy "noise" in the back ground or fuzzy edges from a kid in motion...with no catch light to be found---the pictures are of a moment. A memory. A captured piece of my heart that I can recall time and time again full of excitement, wtih depth. Developed by a light of the photographer's heart capturing and documenting every moment in full frame, full color and full tilt in life.
