A lesson in Blooms

 Last summer I purchased an orchid off a sales rack at Harris Teeter. The plant had one bloom left on it, and was cheap. She bloomed, eventually wilted and just sat around taking up countertop space.

I watered the bloomless plant for several weeks, got weary of it and decided to toss it in the trash, along with another orchid that was gifted to me. 

I put both of the dormant plants near by back door to take out on my next trash day; but, there was a nagging knot in my stomach...how could I toss away something that still had life in it?

For a lack of a better word, I felt convicted about wanting to throw away plants that still had life in them. 

But, alive or not,  they had become a chore, something else requiring attention, thought and responsibility. They needed special food and a surprisingly specific watering cycle and required consistent temperatures and filtered light.  Instead of enjoying the delicate flowers- I had to focus on them and be mindful of what I was doing for them- without an instantaneous,  tangible reward in sight. I wasn't sure if I would ever see another bloom from them. It was settled. I was tossing them. 

However, the convicting thoughts hit my heart again. There was still life in the stalk. 

How often are we just like that in our personal relationships? We thrive as consumers. We are very keen on participating in all the sparkle, shiny and fun aspects of "spring" without thought, but the second a situation requires commitment or work on our end....we're quick to be back at the nursery picking out fresh pots of new flowers. Looking for instant gratification without the effort or pain of any sacrifice. 

It really hurts to think about, honestly, because I've been guilty of it too. Even with people, treating people as though are disposable.

I don't want to be a consumer. I want to be a nurturer of tender things; like, friendship, love and relationships. I want to be a creator of welcoming places where hearts are safe to be vulnerable and honest. I want to be a person willing to adjust my schedule for yours. You need more light, or more fertilizer? Let's figure it out. You need to go dormant and "just be" for awhile....let's work it out. 

The whole winter passed with me tending these dormant plants. After several months I noticed nubs forming along one of the green stalks. I couldn't believe it. 

 Now, blooms weigh down one of the branches and I've had to pin it up! There's about 8 more buds waiting to open. I learned a lot about orchids over the winter. The more I learned, the more invested I was in doing things right for the flowers. I feel so much pride now looking at the hot pink and white flowers, its not just a plant to me anymore...it's a lesson and a reward for commitment. 

I can't help but view my relationship with others differently after this winter lesson in consistency and commitment. I hope that in the end we all learn to be more than consumers, but creators of beauty and nurturers of life. <3 

Shine.

Cass



 

The Loss of a Companion

 

 

 Disclosure: I am being woefully dramatic.

Today is a sad day. I am grieving the loss of my most faithful companion which has been with me through so, so many stages of life.

I know it is weird to admit but, I’m unashamedly and emotionally attached to my desktop keyboard.  I have had it through the divorce years, the Walk-in Tub years, parenting as a single mom, chronicling life’s ups and downs through blogging, “the Great Shunning,” the formative ‘Kinley years’ and now. This inanimate possession has processed the bulk of my soul-searching, has clacked out a lot of communications from contracts that took my business to the next level to heartbroken blogs, side hustles, content writing, airline ticket reservations and tons of everything in between.

When Gabe was in Afghanistan, it was my only connection to my son….Volker and I used to spend H O U R S on Skype….Jacob learned his A, B, C’s on this keyboard! Oh my goodness! The memories, the conversations, the secrets and confessions….the LAUGHS and ultimately, the resurrection of internal hope through supportive relationships kindled and nourished at this keyboard. This keyboard served as a lifeline in so many ways. I know I’m dramatic but finding a replacement for it feels a lot like the closing of a chapter…. here is a toast to its cushy familiarity and to more plane tickets and many, many yet to be experienced happy blogs…..

The Campaign Trail has some Pot Holes

 Crazy how saying YES to things can really, really change the trajectory of your life. Last spring, an acquitenance called me with news about his friend running for an elected position. A big, high profile position. 
I told him I've never been very involved in politics, but that I would be interested in hearing about his friend and learning more. One conversation lead to another and then to an in person meeting....and a volunteer position on someone's campaign. 

Over the summer I helped out by making calls and introductions. I spent my weekends making marketing materials, writing a lot of articles, blogs and website content. I learned a lot. I learned that making a change takes a lot of phone calls and elbow grease. 

Then- in late September a friend and co-worker of mine said he was really praying about running for office. A seat as a Representative in the NC House. I was proud of him and felt like he could really make a difference. I encouraged him and really believed that NC needed him. I was really excited  about his passion for the office and hoped that he would run.

The next week he came in to my office and said he was filling out some paperwork for the Board of Elections and asked if I could help him fill out the forms and double check after him.  

That weekend he made plans to attend his first public event as a candidate. We didn't have marketing materials or even business cards to pass out- but he was going to be there and make the rounds at an event called "Politics in the Park". 

To this day, I don't know how this all evolved into me being his campaign manager, but I'm bursting with honor and pride at being part of this process and journey. 

In November, I went to the Board of Elections with Brian and his parents to officially file for candidacy. He was "in it to win it" and we hit the pavement hard with spitballing, researching and marketing.

Every spare moment has been crammed with phone calls, social media posts, article writing, spitballing ideas for fundraising and creating campaign graphics. Every weekend spent making those spitball ideas become reality. 

Since announcing the campaign we've had our fair share of hurdles to jump. The state has redrawn district lines. We've gone from District 70 to District 61 and back to District 70./..which is a marketing nightmare. The primary dates changed from March to May with talk of it being extended until June. Brian's son had a serious football injury resulting in several weeks of hospitalization, numerous surgeries and now awaiting a skingraft. In January, I was diagnosed with severe anemia and needed emergency surgery which required a 6 week recovery. WE'VE CLEARED EVERY HURDLE. God has been faithful through all of this! 

The primaries are in just a few weeks. I'm looking forward to what God has in store for Brian and  Randolph County!

This is Why

It's been almost two years since I purchased my home.   The very first time that I stepped onto the property that I now call home I envisioned BBQ's, pool parties and friends milling around. I saw my adult children chasing their little ones, swings hanging from trees and bikes left laying in the yard.  It's what sold the home. The image of  the chance to make memories in the same place----over and over and over. 

In June, I was able to see that vision fulfilled again. Montgomery Jane had her 1st birthday in Gigi's back yard. It was so beautiful. Kiddles worked so hard to bring Montie's party together.  Papa G built a flower cart to be the focal point of the Parisian Flower Market. The whole afternoon was perfect.

                                                                                                                            

I'm so grateful for my home and family. <3

Shine. Always. 

Accepting and Letting Go

Some truth you hold
Some you let go
But in the end, you've got to know

What kind of love
Is a love that won't break down?
What kind of love
Honestly knows no bounds?
Hopes all things, believes all things
Never, never let me go  -
What Kind of Love, Amy Grant
(Bonus CD- More Music from Behind the Eyes)

Some truth you hold........some you let go. Such simple, profound words of wisdom.

I'm learning to hold some truths. Hold truth...but, let the weight of other people's  presumptions and conditions go. Somethings just are what they are; And somethings are the way they are because you haven't held to truth. 

I've been in some fairly intense therapy with a Christian therapist for a couple of months. My goodness, the things we hold on to and wounds that we protect.....the lies we swallow and regurgitate and swallow again. 

Apparently,  I'm somewhat of an emotional hoarder. Walling up my pain behind busyness and outsourced projects that keep me moving....because when I'm quiet, I feel. And when I feel, I think and when I think I can't make sense of the pain I've known....so it becomes a whole cycle of self-imploding. 

I'm learning to hold and let go....to think and feel and release. Don't hide behind the pain and wall up the feelings for later, when it may make sense.....just let it go.

Discoveries on the Homefront

I'm still in the process of discovering suprises with my new home. Some of the discoveries include: a family of raccoons that  live under the neighbor's barn.  I'm less than a few hundred yards from Main Street so I didn't expect to see much wildlife here in town, but boy was I suprised! There have been deer, a larger than average fox who, like the raccoons, seem to supplement thier winter scavenging at the neighbor's cat bowl. 

Last winter daffodil bulbs pushed up through the front yard presenting a beautiful sea of yellow with intermixed splashes of purple crocus.  It felt like a housewarming gift left by a thoughtful seller. It was a lovely suprise and I couldn't wait to see what spring and summer brought. 

One suprise that still makes me laugh happened on the day of closing on the house. My friend, Sherri discovered a third bathroom in my storage barn out by the pool! I never even opened the barn to look in it prior to going under contract! Ha. 

In two weeks it will be one year since the day I closed on this house. One full year. I'm sitting on my back deck now, looking at the pool, listening to the fountatin on the back deck enjoying the sunsetting through the trees. I'm happy to be home. I'm contenat and I'm so very grateful for what God has graciously and mercifully given. 

A Terrifying Revelation

I highly respect the writings, life and philosophy of CS Lewis. When I heard this quote it cut me a little and convicted me a lot.

My experiences with "LOVE" haven't been very good. In fact, several have commented that my life should be a book or Lifetime movie.

I've known pain and rejection on levels that are reprehensible. Is there ever enough time and healing that the "broken" become "unbroken"? Experiences have left me gun-shy on a level that I didn't realize until I heard this quote a few weeks ago.

Don't get me wrong: I can LOVE. I feel things so deeply. I can give, care, share. I can even forgive.....I have a powerful sense of hope and promise. I can feel. I love so very deeply....

What I can't do is lower my shield, relax my guard or even feign a modicum of vulnerability. I have worked so hard to not ever be naive again that I've lost my ability to experience vulnerability....and according to Mr. Lewis....that translates as losing the ability to be loved. I can love....I just can't allow myself to be loved. That is a terrifying revelation.